Mind Candy
by Rabble Rouser
Summary: Lieutenant Sulu must deal with a disturbing new technology


MIND CANDY

By Rabble Rouser

DATE: April 20, 2000

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Hafital and I issued a challenge to post Sulu stories in honor of George Takei's birthday April 20th. This is my contribution. Thanks to Hafital, Jat-Sapphire, Jungle Kitty, and Wildcat for their betas.

© 2000 Rabble Rouser

v v v

Sulu moved in and parried upward, reveling in the sound of the swish of the rapier and the sensation of blood coursing in his veins from the hard exercise. Joe Tormolen countered in a neat reposte, and Sulu wryly acknowledged the touch scored on his chest. They moved apart and Sulu brought his rapier upward in salute. Joe gracelessly collapsed on the mat, breathing hard. Sulu could see an expression of exhilaration that had been too absent from his friend of late.

"You OK?" Sulu asked, barely getting the words out between pants.

"Fine," Joe answered, irritation on his face. "I beat you, didn't I?"

Sulu flashed a wide grin, not the least bit annoyed. He enjoyed his bouts with Joe. He hadn't found another human fencing partner since the academy, and the 'bot wasn't a real substitute.

"Just checking."

"Just because you're in command gold rather than science blue now doesn't make you mother hen."

Sulu nodded in easy agreement but couldn't keep himself from giving Joe a sidelong look that earned him a scowl in return.  "Do you feel up to landing party duty?" Sulu asked, giving Joe a hand to help him up.

"When?"

"Starting tomorrow.  The Gorlans are a new Federation member.  They claim to have made a technological breakthrough but are insisting on representatives from Starfleet before giving any details.  The captain has assigned me to deal with it and told me to take my pick of people. So I picked you."  

Kirk had frowned when Sulu had requested Joe and had asked how the young lieutenant was doing.  The honest response would have been 'not well,' but he knew Joe wouldn't forgive him that answer. No one wants weakness exposed to a superior officer.  Sulu had replied 'fine' instead, and Kirk had given him a searching look until he had flushed in embarrassment. 

"You know I've been assigned to duty with Mr. Spock to observe the disintegration of Psi 2000," Joe said. "I don't want to miss that. It's a unique astronomical event and the scientific team posted there is reporting fantastic changes in chemistry and planetary structure. That's the kind of opportunity I joined Starfleet for."

"Gorlan's twelve hours away by shuttle and we're only scheduled to be there three days," Sulu reassured him. "I have to be back here for Psi 2000 too.  The way that planet is contracting is going to mean a complex orbit and will need a deft hand at the helm.  We'll be back on the _Enterprise_ days before we're due there."

"Who else is going with us?"

"Lieutenant Charlene Masters."

"Oh great, the ice bitch cometh."

"Whoa—c'mon the woman's among the best Scotty's got. What's your problem with her?"  Besides which Kirk had only agreed to let him have Joe if he would take Masters.  Kirk had called her "steady as a rock."

"We had a little run-in last week.  I needed some power for an experiment in the physics lab and drew some anti-matter/matter into a containment field.  She went into an unbelievable snit about how I shouldn't have done anything like that without her approval and supervision.  She told Mr. Spock about it and I almost got pulled off Psi 2000."

Sulu felt like telling Joe to forget about it. He could pull someone else for the duty.  This was his first command assignment and he didn't need this kind of problem.  But Joe was his friend not just some 'problem.'  He hoped that having a chance to ponder problems other than his own would do Joe some good.  Sulu was sure things would work out.

"Well, think of this as an opportunity to practice some tolerance and tact.  You may not aspire to command, but if you're ever going to be the Science Officer of a ship, you have to know more than astrophysics and biochemistry.  I'll expect you on the hanger deck at 0500 tomorrow."  

Joe groaned when he heard the hour.  "Sure you can drive at that hour?"

Sulu gave him a slap on the back and a grin of commiseration.  "Don't worry, I already promised the captain I wouldn't crack up the only working shuttle."

v v v

Sulu took a sip of the kaldir, which their hosts assured him was not an intoxicant. Wouldn't do to get drunk, Sulu thought, when trying to impress a new Federation member. He nodded at the portly Gorlan and tried to remember her name. Kr'setn? Krstath? He had a gift for remembering names, an important quality for command, but he had been introduced to hundreds of Gorlans since this morning. The three officers were now at their fifth reception of the day. It didn't help that he could barely tell the individual Gorlans apart or male from female without clothing cues. The Gorlans were vaguely ursoid and of short stature; it was like being surrounded by teddy bears.

Still, Sulu was enjoying himself thoroughly. He genuinely loved meeting new people and investigating new cultures, and the warm and gregarious Gorlans delighted him. He was glad that this reception was outdoors. He drew a deep breath, savoring the scents around him and the puff of a fresh evening breeze on his face. It was wonderful to feel the soft yielding lawn under his feet after weeks of the hard decks of the _Enterprise_.  The sky above him seemed so different from the starfield he saw every day on the bridge's viewscreen.  Here there was an atmosphere to make the stars wink at him.

He could tell that Joe and Charlene Masters were less than entranced. Joe was fidgety and seemed nervous when they were in large groups of Gorlans. He decided Joe had spent too much time aboard ship with the same faces surrounding him every day. Lieutenant Masters' displeasure came from a different source. She had grumbled on the shuttle about a whole day being scheduled around "social rituals." The elaborate courtesies and hospitality she was forced to endure before their hosts would even mention their purpose for being here seemed to frustrate her no end. In that at least, she and Joe had found common ground. Sulu was able to take it moment by moment and enjoy immersing himself in Gorlan culture. 

Sulu thought the tall, slender Masters looked coolly regal in her blue dress uniform even if he had heard her curse softly under her breath when he had told her they'd be using them. He had teased her that she was wearing the wrong color, and she had smugly replied that she wore two hats—engineering and geology. "I'm the dilithium princess, among other things." The blue sheen of the fabric set off her dark skin, and the formal dress made her short afro look sleek rather than functional. Sulu had been surprised to see a medal for valor on her uniform.  It was rare that someone in the engineering or science divisions earned one of those.

Joe, on the other hand, managed to look rumpled and scruffy. He was constantly running a finger inside his collar as if trying to loosen a noose. Right now both of them were standing off in a corner looking utterly miserable. Sulu frowned, excused himself, and walked to their side. He whispered in her ear, "Just think, Charlene, what it would be like if your face froze that way."

"Sorry, Sulu, but if I wanted to be a social butterfly I would have joined the diplomatic corps."

"Well, you joined Starfleet, and opening ourselves up to new cultures _is_ part of the job description. So paste insincere smiles on both your faces and start mingling. I don't want to see either of you together or standing alone by yourself until it's time for us turn in. For tonight, _we_ are the face of the Federation."

"Aye, Aye, sir. Now I know why Captain Kirk is supposed to hate these things. It's exhausting being charming for twelve hours non-stop."

Sulu gave a gusty sigh. "Actually, I find it energizing."

"You would, 'Sunny,'" said Joe and shot him a dirty look.

Sulu winced inwardly. "Sunny" had been his nickname since some wag at the Academy had looked up the meaning of "Hikaru" in the original Japanese.  It had followed him his entire career and he had been trying to lose the moniker on the _Enterprise_.  His irritation made his voice sharp. "And Joe—we're on duty. Lose the Saurian brandy." 

Joe put his shot glass down with exaggerated care on the buffet table and inclined his head. "There are times," Joe said with weariness in his voice, "I could wish I had Commander Spock's excuse to be unsociable and rude. Right now I'm more in the mood for the Vulcan way with parties."

"Your mood," Sulu snapped, suddenly exasperated, "has nothing to do with our duty." 

"Fine, in that case, if you'll excuse me _sir_, I'll do my best to pretend I'm Captain Kirk and be debonair and devastatingly witty." Joe bowed to him in a parody of how they opened their fencing matches and stalked off. Sulu pulled Masters back when it looked like she would go after him.

"Leave him be, he'll cool off and then do his job. He's too professional to do otherwise."

"What the hell is wrong with him? He was insufferable on the shuttlecraft and that comment about Spock was hardly fair."

"He and Cassie Meers were very close."

"That young ensign who was killed in that shuttlecraft accident last month? I remember Tormolen at the memorial service. You couldn't tell they were close from his expression.  Mr. Spock looked more upset than he did."

That's what worries me, Sulu thought. He collected himself with an effort. "Well, I'm sure Joe will be fine tomorrow, once we're on the real job." 

Masters gave him a skeptical look and Sulu bit back a retort.  She didn't know Joe.  Sulu had known him since they had served together on the science vessel _Sagan_.  Joe had always had this side to him, hypercritical and defensive about everything to cover up nerves and self-doubt.  But, until recently, it had never been a side seen on duty and Sulu had always been able to rely on him.  

"Speaking of our 'real job,' do you have any idea what this mysterious technology is supposed to do?" Masters asked. "Everyone I've talked to has been real closemouthed."

"Only that the Gorlans are claiming every ship should have the device as standard equipment.  Keep your ears open, Lieutenant. Now go." He made a shooing gesture, and she smiled and waded back into the press of Gorlans eager to talk to the _Enterprise_ officers. Sulu dismissed Joe from his mind and returned to the social round, leaving his curiosity for tomorrow.

v v v

Doctor Frenth K'lsen led the three _Enterprise_ officers down the corridor while keeping up an unending stream of chatter. Sulu noticed Joe surreptitiously rubbing his brow and wincing at the bright lights of the corridor. Sulu grinned. Without McCoy around to give a detox shot, Joe's sin was carrying its own penance. Masters had met Sulu's cheerful greeting with a groan and muttered something under her breath he hadn't caught. Not a morning person, he would guess. Frenth led them inside a dome-shaped enclosure large enough to hold Lovell Field back at the academy.  

"And now for a demonstration.  Computer—run program sigma one."

In the wink of an eye, they were under a clear summer sky. A dirt road curled up through fields of wheat, and a large barn stood five hundred feet out in front of them. Sulu felt warm sun on his face, tempered by a cool breeze. A dragonfly flitted past his ear.

"It looks like Earth," Masters exclaimed. "It even smells like Earth." Smell, the most evocative and elusive of the senses, never lied. No matter how terrestrial the planet, it always seemed alien. Yet now Sulu's brain was yelling 'home' to him. He knelt down and felt the rich loam sift through his fingers. This was no mere holographic projection like on Disneyplanet.

"It's the closest to the real thing you'll get. Iowa, to be exact. We were hoping to lure Captain Kirk here and thought to impress him. I couldn't resist showing it off. We have the desert outside Shi'kahr, Vulcan, here as well. I can't tell you how disappointed I was that Mr. Spock couldn't come. His paper on imprinting computers based on brain signatures is the basis of our research—along with some other exciting developments from Doctor Daystrom in recording those signatures with his engram device. Ah, I know one place you all have in common. Computer—run program sigma five."

The Iowa landscape disappeared to be replaced by a green-lawned campus dominated by a curved building glinting white in the sun. In the background was a distant skyline wreathed in fog framed by the Golden Gate Bridge. The three officers drew an audible breath. "Starfleet Academy," Sulu supplied. "Pretty impressive. The only thing missing are the cadets scrambling to get to class."

"Computer, end program," Frenth ordered and they were back in the antiseptic looking dome-shaped room. "You would supply the cadets—customize the scenario. We can reproduce anywhere you've been, taking the details straight from your mind, so they would be absolutely faithful to reality and can be shared with others."

Joe scowled. "This is what we came ten parsecs to see—an amusement park? Why the hell should that be standard equipment on a starship?" Sulu glared at his bluntness, and Joe glared belligerently back, not the least bit quelled. Fortunately, Frenth did not seem to take offense.

"Think of how much it could increase the duration of deep space missions. There would be no need for shoreleave. A crew could relax thoroughly right on the ship. Spring breezes, childhood fantasies, and first loves could all be recreated."

Joe's head snapped up at that, and his eyes took on a speculative look that made Sulu uneasy. Frenth continued speaking, unaware of anything amiss. "Experiences could be shared and simulations created for training purposes more real than any created now. It could have uses in mental and emotional therapy, be used for diplomatic purposes, and briefings--it might even have military implications: think how useful it might be to create a completely seamless illusion."

Masters had wandered over to a wall console. "Is it programmed through here?"

"You could call up the various programs and choose one using the control pad or just give a voice command if you know exactly which one to run. The full programming is through the central computer."

"I'd like to see the complete specs," Masters asked.  

"And I'll need to see your data on the sensory inputs and mental imprinting," Joe interjected.

"Of course," Frenth replied. "My colleagues are eager to meet with you and answer any questions you have. Oh, by the way, although its tactile dimensions might suggest otherwise, this is an outgrowth of holograph technology. We're calling it a holosuite."

v v v

The scientists insisted that a more detailed, personalized demonstration was in order. Before Sulu could say a word, Joe volunteered himself as subject. Sulu quickly asked for a chance to confer with his fellow officers alone. One of the Gorlans showed them into a private office.  

Sulu tore into Joe as soon as the door shut.  "What the hell did you think you were doing?" Masters flinched at his tone. Sulu was famously unflappable. No one on the _Enterprise_ could remember him ever losing his temper.

"Volunteering," Joe answered sulkily.

"I'll decide when, if, and who we volunteer, mister. Captain Kirk put me in charge. Do you really want to take it up with him when we get back?" Joe blanched. "Well, I see you don't. Don't push our friendship _Lieutenant_. In fact, speaking of friendship, could you tell me what you did with Joe Tormolen?  I could really use him right now."

"Look Sulu, I'm sorry. But I am sincere in volunteering. Please hear me out. We're here to give this thing a thorough investigation."

"That doesn't mean using you as a guinea pig."

"I thought that's what they pay us for--to take the risks rather than leave it to the civilians. And I won't be the first it's been tried on. Not even the first human--they told us they got the Iowa imprint from a Terran after all. I'm the logical candidate. You can't do it precisely because you're in charge and Masters can't do it because we need her to overlook the machinery. Neither of us are engineers."

"He's right, sir. He is the logical choice," Masters conceded.

Sulu felt his anger drain away. He had never felt more frustrated than in this past month. Joe refused to talk about Cassie to anyone. Sulu saw no reason not to trust the Gorlons, and he couldn't fault Joe's reasoning.  In fact, for the first time in weeks, he thought he heard the voice of the man he knew, the professional scientist and officer, and dared hope Joe was turning the corner. It seemed petty to feel annoyed because Joe hadn't checked with him first and he forced himself to dismiss his misgivings. "OK—but next time anyone thinks of volunteering, check with me first—that's why they put me in the gold shirt."

v v v

By that afternoon, Sulu was wondering why he had ever accepted a transfer into the command division.  He had led landing parties on scientific surveys before this so he didn't know why he felt so drained by the events of the day.  But then, a scientific team practically ran themselves.  Each specialist had their own esoteric knowledge, niche, and protocol and worked more or less independently.  No such survey was without its dangers and unknowns but at least impersonal phenomenon like rocks and plants were usually more controllable than people.

He had asked Frenth to bring him to a subspace communicator where he could contact the _Enterprise_.  The communicators issued to landing parties just didn't have the range.  Frenth had led him into a crowded room and apologized that he couldn't provide anything more private.  Then he had moved some people off surrounding consoles to give him some space.  Sulu was amused at the effort.  He was sure the Gorlans could easily monitor his communications if they so desired.

"Sulu to _Enterprise_."

"Uhura here."  Sulu grinned to hear that voice come across with such intimacy over the light years.  In a moment he was put through to Captain Kirk.

"All right Sulu so what's the big secret we've all been waiting to hear?"  Sulu started narrating the events of that morning.  As he related what he had seen in the holosuite, he found it hard to keep the excitement and wonder out of his voice. When he finished talking, there was a long silence at the other end.

"I hate to put a damper on such enthusiasm, but don't you find the whole thing rather disturbing?"

"Captain, the technology and science represented by this are fantastic.  Just think of the implications for everything from computer science to neurology to optics involved in this kind of advance."

"Think of the implications of them bothering to recreate my home region when even most Terrans don't know that Iowa exists.  They sure seem to be going for the hard sell."

"They are new members, sir.  Maybe that explains their eagerness to please.  The Gorlans have been warm and friendly hosts and they've been very open and cooperative about showing us everything. Are you saying you don't think I should let Joe go through with it?"

"I don't like second-guessing the man on the spot. Do what seems best to you but keep me informed."  Sulu thought he heard frustration in Kirk's voice.  He grinned.  Kirk's insistence that there was no substitute for first-hand observation was well known.  His tendency to go along on landing parties was the despair of security.  Sulu was sure Kirk itched to be with them.  That made two of them, Sulu thought wryly.

"I'm sure there's nothing to worry about sir."

"Maybe so.  Just be careful. Kirk out."

v v v

Later that day, as Sulu watched Joe being buckled into the chair that would take the engram impressions, he felt an uncharacteristic uneasiness. Kirk sometimes joked that he'd survived as long as he had by paying attention to itches and bellyaches that told him something was wrong before his brain did. Sulu felt like he was growing an 'itching sensor.'  Frenth told Joe to think of the most intense and vivid memory he could for the reading. After weeks of a near-Vulcan mask, Joe smiling and joking with the Gorlan technicians should have been a welcome sight.  Instead Sulu felt nervous.

Soon after, he and Masters stood in the central computer room looking at a monitor where they could observe the holosuite. They watched as Joe called his customized program into existence. Sulu was puzzled when he saw what looked like a standard officer's quarters on the _Enterprise_ wink into existence. Of all places and times to visit, why would Joe choose the ship they'd be returning to in a few days? Then he saw a young woman come into view in a gold ensign's uniform: a gangly girl with a generous sprinkling of freckles, carrot red hair, and a too-wide mouth. Sulu suddenly found himself unable to draw a breath. Just then he saw Joe come into view.  Sulu saw Joe's face crumple and the sound of Joe's low moan broke his paralysis.

"Damn--Masters, get Frenth and tell him to shut off that program," he yelled behind him, already running to the door of the holosuite.

Frenth met him there and overrode the lock for him. When they burst into the room, Joe was on his knees, sobbing, with his head buried in Cassie's lap as she stroked his brown hair.  She looked up and the bright green eyes that were her most striking feature met Sulu's.  "Hikaru, what's wrong with Joey?" Sulu swallowed. She was so real. He couldn't just tell the computer to 'end program.' It was Cassie down to that damn smoky voice. 

Finally Frenth, not sure exactly what was wrong, gave the order and Cassie and the quarters melted into the air, leaving a despondent Joe Tormolen to hit the ground. He looked up and rushed Sulu. Sulu moved into the attempted punch and the blow went wide causing Joe to lose his balance. Joe flopped to the ground, hugged his knees to his chest, and started an eerie wail, rocking back and forth.

v v v

Sulu half carried Joe to their rooms after having him sedated.  Joe slid bonelessly onto the bed. His dark eyes looked feverishly bright in a pasty-white face. 

"I messed up, didn't I," Joe said, trying to rise up on an elbow.  

Masters surprised Sulu by going to Joe's side, gently pressing him down on the bed and urging him to rest.  

"It's OK Joey," Sulu said "We'll talk about it later."  

Sulu urged Masters into the next room with a jerk of his head and she nodded.  She leaned down and touched Joe on the arm.  "We'll be in the next room.  Just holler if you need us."

Sulu started speaking as soon as she closed the door behind her. "Masters. Uh…Charlene.  I just wanted to ask if you wouldn't mind not mentioning that Joe took a swing at me in your report. It'll read bad enough and after all the blow never landed and I wasn't…"

"Hell no," Masters answered explosively. "What happens when he loses it during a red alert?"

"He's going through a really rough time right now.  This really isn't like him.  He just lost a friend."

"You lost a friend too."

"It's not the same…She was special to him."

"I'm not blind to that, nor am I insensitive to the loss.  I know all about loss, Sulu. Look, I don't want to lecture you.  It's not my place--this is your mission." 

"Please speak freely Lieutenant. I'll be happy to entertain any suggestions."

Masters sighed. "Do you know the story of this pretty gewgaw?" She gestured at her medal. "Back when I was a green ensign on the _Republic_, I went into an anti-matter reactor chamber and gambled I could repair the warp core before I received a fatal dose of radiation or we suffered a breach.  They pinned a medal on me for that but I really should have been reprimanded.  Because you see, I covered up for a friend who was troubled and making mistakes.  Lieutenant Silvers was under pressure because of a failing marriage and I thought he'd soon snap out of it.   He was in the chamber for several minutes when I got there.  We could have lost the ship.  Silvers lost his life. I understand your loyalty to a friend, but my loyalty to the ship comes first."

Sulu suddenly felt tired of keeping up the aloof command persona. "It's so hard to know the right thing to do."

"Don't I know it.  That's why I never let them put me in a gold uniform.  That's why I'm not taking the promotion Captain Kirk and Scotty put in for me."  Masters grinned at him.  "You should see your expression."

"But why!"

"Because that would give me senior rank and it wouldn't be long before I was transferred off the _Enterprise_ and forced to become someone's Chief Engineer or Science Officer or God help me a First Officer.  I'm too happy right now being an engineer and a scientist to be forced to be an administrator. Joe doesn't know how lucky he is to be working under Mr. Spock.  There isn't a field of science Mr. Spock hasn't made real contributions to while serving under Pike. And Scotty—well most Engineers are not much more than mechanics.  Scotty doesn't just read tech journals—he contributes to them.  Half of the guts of the _Enterprise_ don't resemble the original configuration—that's why we're always exceeding expectations.  I still have a lot to learn from both of them."

"I feel that way about the Captain."

"Yeah, well we Engineers think of a ship's captain as 'the driver' but even we recognize what could happen if you don't have someone good doing the steering.  Fact is the _Enterprise_ is going places and I want to be a part of it.  Time enough to be command staff in four and a half years.  Besides," Master added, looking at him seriously, "I'm not the command type—but you are."

"You seem to have the right stuff to me."

"Moi, the 'ice bitch' of the Engineering department?" She grinned sheepishly when Sulu looked up in shock.  "Didn't think I knew about that?  Well, I have my fans, but I'm the sort people take time to warm up to.  I'm more project than people oriented.  I don't have a lot of patience or tact. But you can charm people and exude confidence and give an order in a way that makes people want to jump up and make things happen.  You just need a little seasoning."

"For God's sake I'm barely five years younger than Captain Kirk."

"I didn't mean to sound condescending.  It's just that it isn't the time you've been living, it's the time you've spent leading.  Kirk has been in the command division for fifteen years, you've had barely fifteen weeks.  Give it time."

"That's all I'm asking for Joey.  Time."  Sulu saw Masters frown and rushed through the rest of his pitch. "Charlene, I won't be covering up what he did or his reaction to the hologram.  I just don't want that he took a swing at what was his acting commanding officer on his record.  That can be grounds for court-martial."

"I can't promise anything.  I'll think about it."

v v v

Before calling it a day, Sulu and Masters met the twelve scientists in Frenth's team in a conference room. Alien they might be, but certain gestures and body language seemed nearly universal among sentient beings. None of the Gorlans would meet their eyes.

Frenth started out in a too-jovial voice that clashed heavily with the mood of the room. "Well, obviously the holosuite can be an intense experience..."

"Enough." A new voice steely with resolve silenced Frenth with a word. Sulu remembered the portly figure at the party from the reddish worl marking her pelt at the shoulder. "I for one will no longer stay quiet."

"Krstath!" Frenth called out with a pained expression.

"You are a fool to think we could have kept this quiet for long. Fool to think our new relationship with the Federation could thrive on half-truths and distortions." Round amber eyes gazed up at Sulu. "You have been told this is a totally new technology, based on Federation research. It is not—or not entirely. It is an attempt to take an old scourge and use it to profit from the ignorance of outsiders. You were not shown the slums that ring this city. Slums created not from poverty or prejudice but from the ravages of an addiction we have been fighting for centuries. We call it mind candy. People will steal, kill, do anything to stay under. They pay to get capsules placed in their brains so they can stay in a constant dreaming state until they die from vessels bursting from their brain, or from self-neglect and starvation, or even from willed self-destruction if they can't meet the street price for a replacement. Your Lieutenant Tormolen is hardly the first to so unravel. Before you travel up this road, make sure you get a close look at the drop at the curve.  It is very steep."

For long moments no one spoke. Sulu was dismayed. He had been prepared to take what he had seen, as well as what had been told to him, at face value. He knew it was a failing of his that he found it hard to see the darkness in others. What made it hard for him to know how to reach Joe, had made it easy to see nothing but new friends and discoveries to make. Kirk had told him that if you couldn't find a quality you needed in yourself, you should seek it out in another. The problem was that for a long time he had depended on the usually careful, meticulous Joe Tormolen to be that balance. Sulu watched as all eyes turned their gaze on him. Sulu had to shake himself a little as he realized they were waiting for him to respond. For a brief moment, he wished Captain Kirk were here. Then he caught Masters looking at him with a steady look that braced him. "Thank you for that. I'd like to see the view at that curve. Can you provide a guide?"

v v v

The 'view' had been appalling.  Joe, greatly recovered but still shaky, had insisted on going with them.  Sulu had relented over his initial misgivings.  He thought Joe needed a look at the ugly side of the holosuite.  Krstath accompanied them with three security guards in tow. The three _Enterprise_ officers toured an area of the capital city that looked like it had been bombed.  Refuse and rubble filled the streets and once they went beyond the edge of the slums they were forced to proceed on foot.  Addicts slept on the streets covered in their own filth. They had gone into one building where the sour smell of vomit and excrement was so strong their eyes watered.  Sulu gagged at the smell and the sight of it.  Addicts were lying on the floor while etched on their faces was an obscene ecstasy.  Sulu wasn't sure if it made it better or worse that they were in an alien shape.  The grotesqueness of their contortions and expressions under the mind candy somehow made them seem more human rather than less. They no longer looked like teddy bears to Sulu.

Sulu swallowed bile.  "And this is the result of an addiction to what we experienced yesterday?" he asked Krstath. Sulu saw Joe pale at his question but for once didn't care.  They both needed a close look at the possible consequences.

"Mind candy is far more potent than what you experienced in the holosuite.  Once the capsule is implanted, the user can call up any fantasy, any experience, at will without need for a specific program or setting.  The orphanages are filled with children abandoned by their user parents.  Not even a penalty of death for its sale makes any difference." Krstath turned glowing eyes on Sulu.  "Surely the Federation will help us end this scourge."

"The prime directive…"

"Does not apply to a Federation member asking for help."

"First your government would have to ask for that help and even then we might decline."

"What is the use of membership if you will not help!"

"Krstath, you must understand, the Council is reluctant to get involved in the internal affairs of a member world." Sulu was immediately sorry he had been so blunt.  His nerves were flayed too raw by what he had just seen and felt to be more diplomatic. Besides, Krstath's brave honesty in the conference room seemed to call for the same frankness in response. "The Federation incorporates many different worlds of very different cultures. If we were speaking of a military, medical, or ecological threat to your planet or civilization, it would be different.  How member planets govern themselves and the behavior of their citizens is not the Council's concern as long as there is a right to exit and they enforce the ban on slavery."

"Solve our own problems you mean.  But you are naïve if you think they will forever remain just our own problem." Krstath turned her head and stared at Joe.

v v v

Sulu, seated at the shuttlecraft's controls, looked at Joe beside him. Masters was stretched out in back, napping after having taken her own turn at the helm. How could he judge Joe?  Hadn't he been high on a kind of mind candy of his own?  Hikaru "Sunny" Sulu, the much loved youngest son, who had never failed at anything, living on an Earth closer to paradise than ever in its existence.  Somehow before now, the ugly things he had witnessed during his Starfleet career hadn't touched his sense that everything would come out right in the end.  After all, on his world, it had.  Nothing had ever threatened anyone close to him.  Until now.

At least, despite Krstath's warnings, the experience actually seemed to have done Joe some good. Joe seemed almost peaceful. Abruptly Joe broke into Sulu's reverie. "I never had a chance to say goodbye, you know. I needed...needed to."

"Joe, she wasn't real."

"Don't you think I know that? Neither is the holo of her I keep by my bed. When we packed up her things to send to her folks—I...I took one of her nightgowns. It was the one she was wearing when...Every night I can only sleep by pressing it to my face. Oh God, Hikaru, it still smells like her. And yet...and yet...in some ways the Cassie back there was more real than real."

"You heard Frenth. She was taken straight from your mind with all your memories and expectations of her."

"I think I would give anything to live the rest of my life in that holosuite."

"Cassie wouldn't want you to throw away your life on an illusion. Joe, I remember you telling me that what you loved most about her is that even after a year together, she still had the capacity to surprise you. How long do you think it would have taken before you realized this Cassie was flat? That you would never learn anything new about her?  Sure, she would never disappoint you; she would always meet your expectations, but she would never exceed them, break them, or go beyond them either. And when you found you had wasted precious time on a graven image, how much longer would it have taken for you to forgive yourself?"

"You still don't understand, do you? I should have been on that shuttle." Joe scowled at Sulu's expression. "Now why is it that I know exactly what you're thinking? No, I don't mean that I wish I had died with her—just that if I had been there I would have recognized the signs of a solar flare, before it fried the instrumentation. They wouldn't have gotten disoriented and gotten too close to that star."

"Joe you've got to believe me.  No warning you could have given them would have made any difference even with the most gifted engineer and helmsman on board. You can't blame…"

Suddenly both men were startled by the klaxon of an alarm. Masters, awakened by the noise, came up and joined them. Sulu saw her stiffen as she took in the readings on the control panel. And looked out the viewscreen to see an ominous spume venting into space. Sulu heard her curse softly under her breath. 

"It looks like the coolant system," Masters said. "I'll go check." Sulu couldn't take his eyes off the board, but he could hear the sounds as she moved a panel and hauled herself half through the opening. At his side Joe was calmly and methodically going through a systems check as Sulu did everything he could to make the helm respond.

Then Masters was back at their side her face grim. "There seems to be a coolant leak affecting the inertial dampers. If those fail, we'll be plastered into jelly."

"Can we repair it from the outside?" Sulu asked.

"Not from what I've been reading on the diagnostics," Joe replied in a firm, steady voice.

"Will the dampers last till we're in communications range with the _Enterprise_?" Sulu asked. Masters shook her head.

"What if…" Joe asked speculatively, "…we modified one of the warp nacelles so it acted as a tractor beam and balanced that against impulse power as a substitute for the dampers?"

"It would be hard to get the right intermix formula without blowing ourselves up. It would be safer to just let ourselves drift and let the _Enterprise_ find us," Masters answered.

"We're still light days away from their position. By the time they found us we'd all be frozen solid. Trust me—we can do this."

Sulu looked at him and nodded fractionally. "Go to it, Joe." He saw Masters open her mouth to object and shot her a forbidding look. She shook her head and went to the back and Joe leapt up to join her.  

Sulu tried hard to keep his mind at the helm and trust Masters and Joe to do their jobs. He knew Masters could do this better than he could himself.  Reminding himself of that made it easier to concentrate on the readings in front of him. Sulu was reassured by Joe's calm in a situation that had to remind him strongly of how they had lost Cassie. 

He could almost wish he wasn't so expert at reading the panel. If the inertial dampers stopped working, even the acceleration felt under impulse power would be impossible for them to withstand and he'd have to cut all power. They'd be adrift in space. At this distance from the ship, a homing beacon or a mayday on subspace radio wouldn't be enough to pinpoint them. The _Enterprise_ was on a tight schedule and would soon be forced to leave the area to evacuate the scientific team on PSI 2000 before the planet broke up.  The ship wouldn't be able to spend much time on a search for them. He needed to be able to use the warp power. He reviewed his decision and couldn't see that he had any choice. Knowing that, Sulu felt at peace with himself. Finally Joe and Masters came up front.  

"Well?" Sulu asked.

"It'll be a rough ride toward the end, we had to make some tradeoffs affecting the stabilizers." Masters answered.  "You'll have to earn your helmsman title.  But we're not going to blow up.  I think."  Masters turned to look at Joe.

"And due only to my great wisdom and genius, it seems we're not about to 'be plastered into jelly' either," Joe said proudly displaying the first unforced smile Sulu had seen since Cassie's death.

Three hours later, they broke into cheers when they heard Uhura's hail.  Sulu immediately sobered.  "Strap yourself into your seats, it's going to be a bumpy landing."

The shuttle bay had a 'tractor hook' that locked onto the shuttle's guidance system to bring a shuttle into a soft landing.  But given how sluggishly the shuttle was responding to helm, Sulu wasn't confident the computer guidance system was working properly.  Soon he'd have to decide whether or not to take her in manually.  He could call for an emergency beamout, but then they'd lose the shuttle since they couldn't tow her on a tractor beam indefinitely.  The _Enterprise_ was coming up rapidly on the screen, changing from the size of a fingernail to the size of his fist in seconds.  He had to commit himself now.  

He swallowed and took the shuttle off computer guidance. By his side, Joe acknowledged his action with a nod and a look of confidence. Sulu couldn't spare any time to recognize the gesture. The shuttle bay's doors had opened and he focused on bringing the shuttle in down the line marked by the docking lights while trying to adjust the juryrigged dampers to allow them a smooth enough landing to be survivable. Soon he'd know if all the time spent in the simulator reacquainting himself with skills he hadn't used in years would pay off. He eased back on the throttle ever so slightly and engaged the breaking thrusters. He felt the shuttle bump on deck, skid sideways, but wondrously come to an ungraceful, abrupt stop.  Sulu said a silent prayer that it would be many, many years before he had to repeat the experience—and that by then he would have forgotten or he wasn't sure he would dare do it again.

Joe unstrapped himself and left without a word.  Now that the crisis was over, he seemed exhausted. Before Sulu could rise from his seat, he felt Masters tug at his sleeve. "Sulu, I've been thinking. Of course we have to give a full report of what happened back there. But...well, I'm not even sure I saw him clearly take a swing at you on that monitor, and if you're not going to press charges..."  

"Thanks, Charlene."

"Sulu, this isn't without strings. You have to tell Captain Kirk off the record."

"But..."

"No buts—admittedly Joe's idea was pure genius.  But he's also the one responsible for checking out the subsystem that went wrong on both preflight checks.  I can't help but wonder if he missed something."

"Will that be in your report, Lieutenant?" Sulu asked stiffly.

"No, I don't put suspicions in reports.  Just observations.  Who checked what is in the logs.  It may take some weeks but before Scotty's through we'll know exactly what went wrong.  I just want you to think about it.  And you're going to have to give me that promise, because I don't want to someday regret what happens if he doesn't get help."

Sulu nodded his head, already feeling a traitor.

"And Sulu.  I'll be happy with you in the driver's seat anytime."

Sulu conjured up a small smile, acknowledging both of her meanings.  She gave him an impish grin quite out of place with her usually cool demeanor and scrambled out of the shuttle. For a while Sulu just sat back at the controls before taking up again all the burdens that lay waiting for him outside the hatch.  He would have to tell the captain the truth.  He remembered when he had first discussed taking the helm position with Kirk.  The captain had told him that part of command's challenges and rewards is that it ruthlessly held up a mirror to all your flaws.  It took more emotional than physical courage to face the demands of leadership. Yes, it was time for "Sunny" to bite the dust. He knew he could no longer go through life just expecting things to turn out right.  If they did, it would be because he'd have to face the difficulties in putting them right.

Scotty was already at the back of the shuttle taking readings with two technicians. Sulu saw him mournfully shake his head. "The _Galileo_'ll be makin no more planetfalls til we can pull into a starbase for repairs. With the _Copernicus_ out of commission too, that'll leave us w'out a shuttle for a while till we reach Starbase 11. That willna make the captain happy."

Sulu shrugged his shoulders. "We only have two routine missions before that, and there's always the transporters. What could happen?"

"The transporter is still a temperamental beastie, lad. But a shuttle's a ship. Treat her right and she'll get ye home."

"She sure will." Sulu put his hand on the side of the shuttle in benediction and affection.

v v v

Sulu was subdued during the debriefing while Joe put on a show of confidence that would have put a trivid actor to shame. At his core, Sulu had always felt a tremendous optimism about science and technology. There had never been anything that made him think twice about accepting any advance, heading down any road as fast as their minds could take them. But what he had seen recently on Gorlan had shaken his faith. Even the familiar shuttle had unrepentantly betrayed them. He felt guilty when the Captain praised their work on Gorlan. After the meeting was over, Sulu stayed seated still feeling a sense of wrongness. Kirk, the last to leave, glanced back at him and paused at the door.  

"Was there anything else, Lieutenant?"

"Sir, I feel we should put a quarantine on that planet."

"Quarantine a member of the Federation? Besides, the genie is out of the bottle."

"We could make the technology illegal."

"Ever read about the alcohol and drug wars of the Twentieth and Twenty-First centuries? You might want to look it up. Cure worse than the disease. Crime syndicates, contamination from corruption of the substances, and more and more potent forms created to get more bang for the buck. Sometimes making something illegal gives only the appearance of control. I think we're better off facing this squarely and keeping it above ground where the effects can be better seen and dealt with."

Sulu swallowed. "If you had seen what I had...It's no way to live."

"No, that's not what I'd call life. Caged within your mind with nothing to struggle for and nothing you do making a difference.  And from your reports it's not a long life either. But we can't choose for them, Sulu. Ultimately each person has to decide if life is worth the struggle. What you saw on Gorlan isn't really new--paradise in a pill is an old temptation."

"What do you think the Federation Council will do?"

"About the technology or about helping the Gorlans enforce their ban?"

"Both."

"I don't know. I suspect Starfleet won't be able to resist making use of some of the more practical and military applications of the technology and it's hard for the Council to agree on this kind of policy. Planets like Argelius and Wrigley's will see themselves as the next target of 'Earth's puritanical views' if the Federation involves themselves.  Even the banning of the Venus drug was controversial and they're still debating what to do about genetic engineering and restructuring. In the end, it's a political issue and won't be decided by either of us. But I can tell you one thing for certain. Any 'holosuite' will be installed on this ship over my dead body. We have enough real danger out there without bringing any inside as 'recreation.'

"There had to be something more I could have done."

"Sulu, I'm proud of you.  All of you did a great job. You accomplished your mission and you brought your team back alive and whole." Kirk grinned. "That was an elegant solution Tormolen came up with on the shuttlecraft. Scotty tells me he's tempted to steal him for engineering. I'm afraid to mention that to Mr. Spock having recently stolen you from his department. By the way, how is Tormolen doing?" Kirk asked, his voice a shade too casual.

"Better sir," Sulu answered slowly, "but not good." Even without his promise, Sulu knew he couldn't lie anymore to the man. Masters was right. Joe's next mistake could hurt far more people than just himself.  "On Gorlan, in the holosuite, after the program was ended Joe took a swing at me."

"That wasn't in your reports."

"I asked Masters to keep it off the record.  She agreed on the condition I tell you. Look, Joe just told me that Dr. McCoy just gave him a psych test and he got a clean bill of health."

"Yes and we both know how much that's worth if Tormolen doesn't want to be helped.  The same mental techniques they teach us at the academy to beat an enemy interrogation can be used to affect the outcome of those tests. Mr. Spock has told me Tormolen's work has been off since the accident.  That's certainly understandable and the man I know is flexible and resilient. Tormolen certainly rose to the occasion and Mr. Spock wants to use him on the next mission. I just want to know if I should be concerned."

"Captain, he _is_ better.  At least this whole thing has gotten him to open up to me about how he feels."

"What is your assessment of his status then?  Would you assign him to Psi 2000?"

"Yes, Captain, I would."

"I'll leave him in your hands then.  You know him best, he's most likely to accept help if the suggestion comes from you. But Sulu—don't let him drift. I want you to check in with McCoy periodically about this." Kirk's face hardened at Sulu's total lack of expression.  "Sulu no one on this crew is exempt from having their personal lives and feelings pried into if it can affect a mission.  Not even I'm exempt—hell, I'm particularly not exempt.  Better get used to that if you're going to command people."

"Yes, sir. I promise you I'll take this seriously."

v v v

Sulu found Joe on the observation deck looking out at the stars. The set of his shoulders, the hands clasped behind his back, made him look like someone physically bracing himself to keep from flying apart. Sulu put a hand on his shoulder and gripped tightly. He could feel the tension in the bunched muscles. 

Joe turned to him. "I thought I'd feel closer to Cassie here. But...they're so cold--the stars. I know that's not very scientific." Sulu felt a shudder go through his friend. "Sometimes I wonder what we're doing out here.  Have you ever lost anyone...anyone important?"

"I've been pretty lucky. No close family. No lovers. But Joe, too many friends.  We all lose too many in the service. I don't want to lose any more." Hold on, my friend...just hold on a little bit longer and they'll seem bright again. "Joe, this has gone on long enough. Would it be so terrible to ask for some help?"

"You mean talk to McCoy? That would be worse than saying something to the captain. At least Captain Kirk tries to keep things off the record. Bailey told me McCoy was going to put down that he was under too much pressure right into his medical logs to excuse his behavior on the bridge. I'd rather have a captain's reprimand. That would do far less damage."

"McCoy means well. He's just new to the service. Hey, you're not crazy. I just think you could use some help."

"My father was a Starfleet doctor. I know the drill. Military medicine is to medicine what military music is to music. The ultimate purpose is the mission, not the individual. I can't trust McCoy to keep things confidential. He'll tell the captain I'm losing it, and the captain will have me relieved of duty. The only thing that keeps me going is the work. If that were taken away....Please, give me time."

The bleakness in those dark eyes frightened him. He had just vouched to the captain that Joe would be fine for Psi 2000. Had he made a mistake? But he couldn't completely ignore that plea. Joe was a strong man. Hadn't Sulu seen all too many of his fellow officers have to deal with this kind of grief? Hell, not long ago the Captain had been forced to kill Commander Mitchell, his oldest and best friend, and he hadn't heard anyone whisper Kirk should be relieved of duty. Sulu also wasn't sure it was the time to force the issue. He decided to try a compromise.

"Joe, that isn't good enough.  I no longer believe you're just going to 'snap out of it.'  Can you at least promise me you'll go to see McCoy after Psi 2000?"  This was the only concession Sulu was willing to make.  He didn't want to lose Joe's trust, didn't want him to close down again just when he seemed to be reaching him.

Joe stretched his lips in an attempt at a smile. "Sure Sulu, sure." 

Sulu knew when he was being deflected.  Suddenly he thought of their fencing matches.  It was hard to get under Joe's defenses and to parry effectively. Sulu always had to remember to move in closer rather than away.  The thought of getting close to that darkness made him feel uncomfortable.  Well, Joe hadn't given up on them in the shuttlecraft and he wasn't about to let Joe give up on himself.  Sulu hardened his resolve.  This wasn't a match he could afford to lose.

"Joe if you don't go to see McCoy and be straight with him after the next mission, I will."

Sulu felt Joe stiffen under his hand and feared he was already losing him. "I tell you what, Joe. After the next two missions to Psi 2000 and Alfa 117, we have shoreleave coming to us. We'll go together and find some beach somewhere to warm us. Deal?"

Joe swallowed and nodded and quickly squeezed the hand on his shoulder before turning and leaving.  For a long time Sulu stood there after he left, looking at the hard, unblinking stars.

**The End.**

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